Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I Hid the Turd

Dear Mr. CIO,
I regret to inform you that I've been hiding a massive turd from you and the business units for several years now. The turd is the "3-tiered silo application". The stench was horrid - I was forced to get some industrial grade air fresheners that I called "EAI and ETL". I feel very bad about this, as does my staff. Although, there were several times where you called us into meetings and we all had those 'shit-ass grins' on our face and you thought we were making fun of you - good news - we weren't, we were laughing about our hidden turd.

But I don't take all the blame. You remember when you asked us to do 12 major initiatives and we told you that we didn't have the staff? Yea - well, we didn't. So we cranked out as much as we could and patched the crap together with messaging. From an architectural perspective, it's a freaking mess!! We've got data replication, batch transfers, multiple message formats, multiple transports, platforms, vendors - wow, I can't believe you didn't fire us!!

The reason that we are 'coming clean' is because we believe we've found an answer. It turns out that using simple protocols and a network programming model that isn't vendor specific will allow us to build connected systems. Also - we discovered this other wacky thing - this new model called SOA actually aligns to the needs of the business.

Now that we're being honest with each other, I feel it necessary to inform you that this SOA thing... is right, but - it actually takes a bunch of planning and architecture. It's like - ya-gotta-use-your-brain-kinda-stuff. And not to drop another bomb on you - but a bunch of these guys around here are morons. Now, I know that you have deep pockets and short arms and don't like to pay for real talent, but I think your screwed if you don't. So, it's your call.

In the meantime, the Turd guys, came up with this new turd-containment concept that they call an ESB. I don't know what it stands for but I talked to some smart guys and they said that it was supposed to be SOA but the vendors missed their deadlines - so they just repackaged their old turds with some new SOA stuff. So, just beware - were probably going forward with the turd-containment stuff and later we'll have to go with real SOA stuff. Sorry for hitting you with all of this.

Your Entire Staff

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