According to the former Chief Medical Officer of Finland, RFID chips are now being used for mind control. Now, I know what you're thinking... the transmission and storage capabilities of RFID are so low, how does it work? Well, I don't know. Apparently, the trick is to hook the antenna up to the brain stem and the electricity wires up to the cerebrum and then 'think' real hard.
The application for the device is targeted at creating a more choreographed dance line. Joseph O'Shea, the producer of 'River Dance' commented, "Gettin all these dancers to move together is a real pain. That's why we are switching to RFID Mind Control". However early tests of the device were less than successful.
We determined that midgets and fat people are less susceptible to the radio waves, as well as people that have consumed large amounts of Mad-Dog 20/20. More recent tests have confirmed that the systems works best with gay Irish men dressed in black.
The company behind this venture, "Coordinated Dancing Inc." are considering new markets. Unfortunately, most of the senior management team has been infected with gangrene of the medula which has left them without control of their bladders and urinary tract. CFO, Jimmy McDonald commented, "We've got a think tank working on the issue now - everything from more company toilets to bulk purchases of 'Depends' - we will not let gangrene of the brain slow us down. Inserting 10 cent chips into the brain of every man, woman and child is the future!"